Some people think Djs are some type of jukeboxes or something, and some of the wack ones are. But for the real DJs who know who to rock a crowd, here is an introduction for you--the clubber bopper, bar drunk, or any girl who thinks she's the shit and everyone will stop what they're doing to give them attention. Bitch Please!! All the hard working DJ's present this just for you......
1. I want to hear "-------"
Hold on! U are not the only person in this club or party! Everybody in here wants to hear something different.... furthermore you are not the person who is writing my check for the night so what does that tell you, have a seat before I start playing Barney bitch!
Have you ever stopped to think that...
(a.) 178 other people have requested or are gonna be requesting songs thru the night and that the DJ can't cater to your ratted out ass.
(b.) the DJ you're talking to is a proffesional and has done thousands of parties and knows how to control a crowd without your input.
(c.) the song you want to hear doesn't mix with the song that the DJ is currently playing when u ask for it. (ex: DJ is playing something like "50 cent- I Get Money" and then your musically challenged ass comes and asks for a waaay slower or faster song that is a totally different speed and will fuck up everybody's dance who is on the floor and then everybody gets angry and looks at the DJ like he fucked up when it was actually your request that killed everybody's flow.)
2. "I'll pay you to play it"
Contradictary to what you think.... a respected and professional DJ doesn't get paid peanuts. The more valued DJs who get booked on damn near every event you hear of, make your paycheck that you worked all week to get in one night. Period. Unless you are offering some Bill Gates or Donald Trump money... GET DA FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!
3. "I dont know who sings it and I dont know the name of the song but it goes like this...
Please don't sing for the me! The DJ has to put up with enough shit all night... between 183 people just like you who think that you are the only person out of the 183 that he has to cater to.... and a bunch of drunk ass people with stankin ass breath all up in his face.
Do the DJ a favor and "DONT" give them a rendition of your favorite song!
4. "Play this song and watch what happens"
Why are u not the DJ if u know exactly what to do fuckboy? Why did the promoter hire me & not you then?
5. "Yo... I can get some ass if u play that song"
Son.... You must have a weak game if u need a song to get you some ass. I have gotten some ass to straight up silence before. I got some ass to "Dis Bitch Dat Hoe" before! You can get ass to any song, just get your game up lame!
6. "Yo... this is a song that I made.... play number such and such and watch everybody gonna go crazy"
First of all.... I don't discriminate on anybody who doesn't have a deal, thats why they call me the Akron Ali... but, even when u play a "brand new" record by artists like Jay-Z, 50 cent, Beyonce, etc, if everybody in the party hasn't heard that record before and it doesn't have a certain energy to it to keep that party goin everybody will clear the floor and be talkin about "kill the DJ" So if your record kills the whole floor, now you know you suck and on top of that the DJ looks bad because your record did so bad now u wanna blame the DJ "naah man... the DJ aint play it right!" NOOOOO!!! It was your record that stunk up the place. The DJ did not make any changes to your song it was played the same way u handed it to him on the CD.
7. "I dont know what I wanna hear.... do u have...?"
It's a lot easier for you to go take another shot of patron and fanatsize about what you would do with the DJ if he takes you back to the room and figure out what you want to hear than it is for the DJ to tell you the name of every song he has on him!
8. "Why are u playing this wack shit? Nobody will dance to this!"
It is advisable not to say this when the dance floor is packed (but, some people do anyway)! However, even if there is only ONE person on the floor, it still contradicts the statement u just made. Dumb Ass!!
9. "See... everybody is not dancing... they just ran off the floor!"
Sometimes the DJ has to purposely play shit that will clear the floor or calm the crowd down. It's called crowd control. The DJ may be saving somebody's ass from gettin beat..... maybe yours!
10. "I want to hear...." and then the DJ says... "I just played that like 2 minutes ago" and then you say... "Well can you play it again... I wasn't here when u played it"
Unless the DJ really knows u like that.... he'll start searching around in his Serato for a brand new record called "GIVE A FUCK"
Nobody gives two fucks if you weren't here already when the I played the song. You should have got your ass there earlier. Now if the DJ plays the song again right away when you said to play it again he gets all kinds of wierd looks from everybody else just because "they just heard that song 2 minutes ago before u walked in" and you're the only idiot who wants to hear this song right now.
We love to see our audience happy... but sometimes people just go waay overboard. If the dj has one hand on the mixer and one hand on a turntable and is wearing headphones, chances are the dj is in the middle of a mix and u trying to talk to him in the middle of it may fuck the music up. The DJ has to listen to the music that you hear surrounding you, plus another totally different song that he has to match up with the one you're hearing which is playing in the headphones and now u wanna add your annoying ass voice.
EXAMPLE: You're in your bed fuckin and you and your sex partner are really into it but some fool keeps knockin on your bedroom door your mad as hell, right!
When u walk up to the DJ, even if u know me unless you are a DJ thats supposed to be on the bill with me that night, Dont put your fuckin hands on my turntables! Then do some dumb shit like stop the song thats playing or try to scratch it in the middle of everybody dancing to the record causing everybody in the party to turn and look at the DJ like he fucked up. If the I turn around and Ike Turner your ass in the face for that just know you deserved it.
Chances are if you took offense to any of these suggestions you probably have gotten on or are still on a few DJs shit lists. So just fall the fuck back and enjoy the party, trust me I wont let you down!!!!
DJ NON-STOP !